Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies
by Marta Felber
Fairview Press
ISBN 1-57749-124-6
128 pages
November 18, 2004
Felber's supportive grief book rose up from her own ashes: its roots began when Felber had to resolve her own grief when her husband died of brain disease.
From the book's intro:
“Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies contains the written work I completed on my journey. You are invited to journey with me, 'touch my grief,' and then do what is best for you.
"These exercises were begun in a hospital room where my husband lay dying from a rare and incurable brain disease. Two spiral notebooks were by my side at all times. I wrote my feelings and how I might deal with the problems ahead. After his death I continued this process. The work I share with you is what I experienced and planned.”
The work Felber shares is grounding, affirming and valuable, and she escorts her readers on a gentle journey toward clarity and recovery, including some been-there, done-that chapter insights about the following fears and realities: “Nobody's Home – And I Don't Want to Go There;” “I Have; I owe – Where Am I Financially?” “Everywhere I Look – There Are Reminders;” “Where Are the Friends – Who Were So Close?” “The Guilt Trip Goes On – Unless I End It;” I Believe In Me – My Positive Traits Are Still There;” and “New Year's Day – Can Be Any Day.”
Each chapter or focus area includes things-to-do-style suggestions for resolving some aspect of personal pain or confusion (“Plan dates with friends and things to do to get out of the house. Try to balance these outings so I don't have too many days home alone”), and there are plenty of pages included for all-important journaling activities and directed expressive activities.
Reminds Felber:
“Resist the temptation to skip over a given exercise. Deal with those from earlier stages and feel good about how you handled them. You may discover unfinished work you need to completre. Resisting an exercise in your present stage may mean you need to face it. Become familiar with upcoming exercises in the book so you can refer to them when you are ready.”
Felber's approach throughout is gentle yet focused (she has a counseling background in self-healing), and readers challenged by the darker side of despair are strongly urged to consider this excellent resource for their rightful place on the road to recovery.