GIVE POSITIVE FEEDBACK
from Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies

You have only one person with you every day, twenty-four hours a day: yourself! And whether you realize it or not, you are constantly talking to yourself. Are you critical? ("That was a stupid thing to do!") Or are you nurturing? ("I understand why you forgot the appointment.") If you were to balance the number of positive comments against the negatives in this internal monologue, on which side would the scales tip?

Most of us dish out more put-downs to ourselves than we realize. They come so easily! Perhaps you were told "you are not okay" in one way or another when you were a child. These messages are still with you. Now, they must be counterbalanced with positive messages. You are the one to do this. Maybe you were taught not to think highly of yourself. Give yourself permission to look for and validate your positive attributes and your successes. You can speak as a nurturing parent to yourself, even if you did not have one in real life.

You also need to catch yourself being negative about yourself. When you hear one of these messages, pause and focus your attention on what you are saying to yourself. Awareness is the first step in change. Let your nurturing parent rephrase that remark. Feel the acceptance. Have a conversation with yourself, right now. Begin with "_____________(your name), I understand why you have _____________(former failings). It's okay, and you are loved."


Scripture Passages for Reflection:

Psalm 103: 1-5

John 3:14-16


Click on the links below to read the chapters:

WALKING 'DOWN' TIMES AWAYGIVE POSITIVE FEEDBACK
(Grief Expressed)(Finding Your Way)

IT WAS A COMFORTTHE WISDOM OF A WORRY BOX
(Grief Expressed)(Finding Your Way)
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