LifeWords

"What hurts the most?" my freinds would sometimes ask me as I made my way through my journey of grief. My answer was always the same: "loneliness for my loved one." Death left a hole that no one else could fill. I felt cut off from my loved one, abandoned. The turning point for me was when I quit fighting loneliness, when I began to understand and embrace it. Loneliness is the acknowledgment that our loved one is gone, and facing reality is a necessary step in our grief journey.

But what does it mean, you may be wondering, to embrace my loneliness?

Spend time recalling both the good times and the not-so-good times with your loved one. What first attracted the two of you to each other? What qualities did you discover later? What were the favorite sharing times in your day? Your favorite foods and places to eat? What did you enjoy doing together? Look over the mementos you have saved. Choose the memories you want to keep and write about them in your journal.

Tears may come; you do not need to fight them. Welcome them and let them help you heal. Later you will be ready to reach out to others, not as a replacement or substitute, but because you need people in your life.

It is also important to realize that aloneness is not necessarily loneliness. Aloneness can be an opportunity to get to know yourself: your positive qualities and your feelings.

As you experience aloneness, spend time talking with God and becoming more comfortable in that relationship. Listen for God's voice. FInd things to do alone that are fulfilling: reading, painting, gardening, writing, walking, listening to music, communing with nature. Gradually, you may even come to enjoy your alone time.

Dear God, No one except you knows how much I miss my loved one. The loneliness never goes away. Help me to feel you with me, as close as breathing . . . .Amen.

Scripture passages for reflection: Isaiah 41:10 and Philippians 4:8, 9